There are things that we hear about happening to other people and think to ourselves, I could never go through that...  while inwardly begging God not to ask us to.

Then it happens.

And we survive.

And we add it to our list of "done that".

And the fear of it loses its power over us because we faced it and came out standing on the other side.

And we learn that we can walk through anything God asks us to because He doesn't ask us to walk alone.

And we are no longer afraid.

After beginning my life wrought with fear, I can quite honestly and humbly say that there is very little I am afraid of anymore. I have a better understanding of how big God is and what He can do.

I have no reason to be afraid.

Treasures in Dark Places

The other day, my eyes landed on Isaiah 45:3-4
"I will give you the treasures of darkness
And hidden riches of secret places,
That you may know that I, the Lord, am God..."

I'm having a hard time putting to words what went through my head when I saw that. It wasn't thought... it was sight. I saw it differently.

God was giving me a deeper perspective.... when it's dark, not to despair, but to look for the treasures.

I saw movie the other day about a treasure hunt, and that came to mind.
The treasure isn't out in the open... it's always hidden in some dark place no one would ever think to look.

I'm going through some rough waters... sometimes it feels so dark I feel like I'm drowning. I felt the Lord telling me not to focus on the dark and miss the hidden treasure.

Then He took it a step further.
I was reading a devotional, and in today's prayer it said, "Find scattered, terrified lambs where no one thought to look before."
They are "treasures of darkness" and "hidden riches"!

When we're in the light all of the time, how can we find these hidden treasures?
It's only when we venture into the dark places that we can find the true treasures... it's in the dark places that we find the lost lambs and it's in the dark places that we usually seek the treasure of His face.

The enemy puts up DANGER , WARNING, SCARY DARK PLACES signs to psych us out.
"I don't wanna go in there...no way!"
But God says we don't need to fear the dark! The enemy is bluffing!
Because he knows what's hidden in the dark... treasures.

Human treasures that he wants to keep there.
Experiences that drive us into the Lord's arms.

My fav Lamentations verse says... "IT DOES NOT CONSUME US!"
Why? Because His mercies DO NOT FAIL.
Anywhere.
Even in the dark.

Scars

Today I was in a situation where I was tempted to hide my scars.  I don’t like feeling vulnerable, and when things are going on at the rate they have been lately, my natural inclination is to put on my happy face and be “fine”. I know I’m not unique.

But God quickly reminded me of a couple of things I know, but needed a refresher in.

Jesus didn’t hide his scars.

In fact, it was his scars that made the difference for Thomas and others like him who just couldn’t wrap their minds around what was taking place. What would have happened to Thomas if Jesus would have said, “Gee… I can’t show you those. If you don’t know Who I am after all this time, then you’re out of luck.”  Jesus understood Thomas’ human need and wasn’t offended by it.

Jesus’ scars validated His experience.

And so do mine.

When I am willing to show my scars, it opens doors to speak into the lives of others in a manner I wouldn’t have otherwise been able to.  When someone says, “You don’t understand…” I can pull back my heart’s sleeve and say, “Oh, yes I do.”  When I am willing to be vulnerable it gets me one step closer to that person’s heart – and hopefully helps them feel safe enough to share and be ministered to.

The other part of that is when life isn’t going the way the Christian how-to’s say it ought to.  Again, my inclination is to keep the details to myself. I’m hurting enough thankyouverymuch, and I don’t need another well-intentioned brother or sister to tell me that if I just prayed harder or read this book or studied scripture more, then I wouldn’t be having such a hard time.

I want to scream.

These folks have no idea the devastation and hurt they leave in their wake… and it’s tempting to draw into my shell so they can’t hurt me any more.

But…

When things got really rough, Jesus didn’t hide. 

He prayed and relied on the Father – out in the open, in the garden where they could find him.  His agony was paraded through the street for everyone to see. And he experienced mocking on a level I will probably never be called to endure.

So I have a choice… I can guard my hurt and allow the scab of bitterness to creep in. Or I can stand secure in who I am in Him and be honest about the uglies of my life and my circumstance while trusting Him.

As a result, I am learning how to do it better. From this experience I have had to repent for the times I was clueless to others’ real needs, and I pray that I will use this time to continue learning how not to behave when my brothers and sisters need me the most. 

Everlasting to Everlasting

Life has been hard lately.
I'm not complaining. There are folks out there carrying crosses a lot heavier than mine. Nothing lasts forever. Things will change. Life is about change. We move from one season of life into another, always moving.
We all know how life can change on a dime: an accident, a death, a diagnosis, a divorce.
But our comfort comes in knowing God never changes.

He stays the same.
Always.
Forever.
No matter what.
Some days it's that thought alone that gets me through.

A friend sent me an email and put it this way:
"Remember, you are on a path with God. We walk it. We take short cuts. We get lost. We get side tracked. We walk the straight and narrow. We swerve. Whatever, He's right there with us."

That's it in a nutshell for me.
Even as I strive to follow in Jesus' footsteps I fail miserably some days.
He's no less with me those days than when I'm on the right track.
He didn't say He's with me only when I make the best decisions or do the noble thing, or say the right words.
He said He's with me always.
No matter what happens, I can rely on Him.

"I am with you always, even to the end of the age."
~Jesus
Matthew 28:20

Found Time

Today I spent the afternoon at a funeral with a friend.
I only met the deceased one time a couple years back.
I still cried.
About the moment I started to feel dumb about that, I heard a close friend's voice in my head telling me that he loves how much I love people...
I didn't waste the time feeling dumb.

Funerals are good things to go to every now and then.
Have you ever noticed it's the one event in our lives where we put down everything, no matter what?

All the daily stuff that we deem so important is so easily put aside when someone dies. Whether it's someone close or just an acquaintance.
Time stops - we linger to fellowship.
I can't think of any other event that can do that.

At my house we call that "found time".
It's time we weren't planning on having.
Time well spent investing in relationships and remembering that our time is limited.

I. LOVE. THIS. PLACE.

FINALLY! I'm on campus. :o)
I've been knocking out Gen Ed classes online to save gas and time, but this semester I desperately needed a change, so I decided to take a Major class on campus and have some fun.
That was the best decision I could have made.

I was so nervous, I tossed it - twice - before leaving for campus. I haven't done that in years.

The day was incredible - I am still giddy with the excitement of it all.

It's nerve-wracking being my age in a class of much younger people.

But my first class today went really well.

At one point I sat there mentally pinching myself because this was school - it was official "business"... and we were talking about cartoons!
I was feeling guilty - like I was wasting time, then I thought Wait - this is what I'm supposed to be doing!
Too good to be true.

I can't put it to words.

I walked to Admin and the whole time I was thinking "I . LOVE. THIS. PLACE. I belong here" - just reveling in it and praising God.

I've done my stint in the secular university system.
The contrast here is incredible.

Not only am I understood as an artist, but as a CHRISTIAN artist. They speak my language.

The issue I was most anxious about, I was able to convey because I felt safe enough to.

I left feeling empowered.

I am so in my element. :o)

Building Hope 3

After church Sunday, some of the guys and I took a ride through the 9th district to see and understand some of the devastation. It was surreal. The worst part is it's two years later...

We saw where the levy was breached... it takes on new meaning when you can actually see how close those houses stand to it. I can't fathom how those people must have panicked when they realized the wall erected to protect them had failed. The impressions floating around in my head are unruly at best: Water lines on buildings. Spray painted X's on houses. Empty businesses. A strip mall with the front walls missing - inventory where it fell off shelves... a row of shopping carts right where they belong. The smell as we walked closer for pictures... A boarded up fire station. A boarded up US Post Office.
The remnants of a boat in a ditch along the road side.
"Katrina you win." spray-painted on a home.

Chain link fencing. Everywhere. Around FEMA trailer parks.
Around parking lots (so no one dumps there). Around boarded up schools and businesses. (Perhaps it's to keep the homeless out of gutted, moldy buildings. I didn't ask.)

The rest of the world has moved on while St. Bernard Parish is still dealing with Katrina's effects. When faced with tragedy, there is a point when it becomes unhealthy to dwell on what has happened. We need to move forward, lest our perspective becomes narrowed through hyper-focusing on the negative. But as we drove around and viewed devastation after devastation after devastation, I could certainly understand how hopelessness and despair could settle here.

Every corner bears a reminder of some sort. After a week of driving to and from the work site, we never got used to what we were seeing.

I made it my mission to look for signs of hope:
A crucifix attached to a telephone pole.
Spray painted on the fronts of houses:
"We will rebuild."
"We will be back."
An American flag hanging from the window of a demolished home.
The people who stopped at the work site to thank us for what we were doing.
The family who came to the clothing drive armed with what they had to donate - then "shopped" for themselves.
Flowers planted around the front steps of a FEMA trailer.
A Dominos Pizza operating from a trailer.
Flowers planted around the base of trees lining Judge Perez Blvd.

I want to come home and convey to everyone what we experienced here. But at the same time, I feel a strong urge to guard it to my heart.... instead of emptying myself of its impact by sharing it, I feel compelled to protect it and allow it to stoke my remembrance and spur me to continued action.
I feel as though I am cheapening their experience by attempting to condense it to mere words. I have the ability to turn to other subjects and clear my head of the sadness when it threatens to overwhelm me. What would I do if there were no escape?

I've heard many comments about the wisdom of these people choosing to stay in the area, most very negative.
My answer is this:
It is not our job to judge or question or make sense their reasons for wanting to stay and re-build.
It isn't about us.
God sent us to serve.
In whatever capacity we are able.
Period.

P.S. I'm still having pictures developed...more to be added. Stay tuned.