Today I was in a situation where I was tempted to hide my scars. I don’t like feeling vulnerable, and when things are going on at the rate they have been lately, my natural inclination is to put on my happy face and be “fine”. I know I’m not unique.
But God quickly reminded me of a couple of things I know, but needed a refresher in.
Jesus didn’t hide his scars.
In fact, it was his scars that made the difference for Thomas and others like him who just couldn’t wrap their minds around what was taking place. What would have happened to Thomas if Jesus would have said, “Gee… I can’t show you those. If you don’t know Who I am after all this time, then you’re out of luck.” Jesus understood Thomas’ human need and wasn’t offended by it.
Jesus’ scars validated His experience.
And so do mine.
When I am willing to show my scars, it opens doors to speak into the lives of others in a manner I wouldn’t have otherwise been able to. When someone says, “You don’t understand…” I can pull back my heart’s sleeve and say, “Oh, yes I do.” When I am willing to be vulnerable it gets me one step closer to that person’s heart – and hopefully helps them feel safe enough to share and be ministered to.
The other part of that is when life isn’t going the way the Christian how-to’s say it ought to. Again, my inclination is to keep the details to myself. I’m hurting enough thankyouverymuch, and I don’t need another well-intentioned brother or sister to tell me that if I just prayed harder or read this book or studied scripture more, then I wouldn’t be having such a hard time.
I want to scream.
These folks have no idea the devastation and hurt they leave in their wake… and it’s tempting to draw into my shell so they can’t hurt me any more.
But…
When things got really rough, Jesus didn’t hide.
He prayed and relied on the Father – out in the open, in the garden where they could find him. His agony was paraded through the street for everyone to see. And he experienced mocking on a level I will probably never be called to endure.
So I have a choice… I can guard my hurt and allow the scab of bitterness to creep in. Or I can stand secure in who I am in Him and be honest about the uglies of my life and my circumstance while trusting Him.
As a result, I am learning how to do it better. From this experience I have had to repent for the times I was clueless to others’ real needs, and I pray that I will use this time to continue learning how not to behave when my brothers and sisters need me the most.
At the end of September, Emily announced she would be blogging 31 Days of Grace during the month of October, and I was ready. At the time I was not in a happy place - some serious circumstances had me reeling inside and struggling with "God with us". My spirit was thirsty for reassurance that His presence was truly in my midst, not merely a sideline spectator.