Jesus in the midst of brokenness

Old wounds run deep. And when those wounds are triggered the hurt can be overwhelming. That's when we need to fix our eyes on Jesus and focus on what's true.
But what if  more hurt is piled on the hurt? Just when you think you can't take one more blow someone delivers words that crush your spirit and leave you thinking thoughts you know you shouldn't think? Your brain is on board with truth, but every fiber of your being grieves in agony with crippling pain that begs for relief?
And in that pain you lash out, and no one wants to be on the receiving end of that, so they walk away - affirming the lie that you aren't worth the time. You're unlovable. You're not good enough. You're ______________.
Have you ever felt that way?

Some people have never hurt that badly. They can't relate. They will shake their head and call it drama.
I wish I could say I can't relate, but I can. I know that pain and the desperation it causes first hand.

For the one in pain it's very real and overpowering. It leaves him gasping for breath, searching wildly for something, anything, to hold on to. Someone in that place doesn't need a pat scripture. Or a sermon on how she shouldn't feel that way. Or a guilt trip that if he was a true Christian they would just focus on Jesus and be okay. They're already feeling like they can't measure up.
Those words only affirm the message that they don't.

Someone in that place needs assurance.
Assurance that someone's willing to fight for their victory. Assurance that they are loved and worth it. Assurance that the lie IS a lie and they aren't deceiving themselves.
He needs assurance.
She needs assurance.
And often they need it in tangible form. I love my Jesus, but sometimes I need physical arms around me and soothing words I can actually hear with my ears. He knows that. He made me this way.

So today I'm challenging you. Is there someone who could use Jesus through you today? Are you willing to get a little dirty to be Christ to someone who's hurting? Will you take the time and stop right there in the middle of the hallway to hold a hurting brother and speak peace over him? When she tells you she's fine, and you can see the tear stains on her cheeks will you take the risk and hug her - even though it might make the tears flow harder?
When you don't know how to pray - are you willing to just be there?
Be Jesus.

thankful feasting without our mouths

As we get ready to celebrate God's goodness around our tables it might be a good time to consider this...

I always joke because I'm Italian. Food is part of life. We celebrate with food. We fellowship with food. We comfort others by SENDING food. *geesh!*

Yup. Need this book.

grace flows

At the end of September, Emily announced she would be blogging 31 Days of Grace during the month of October, and I was ready. At the time I was not in a happy place - some serious circumstances had me reeling inside and struggling with "God with us". My spirit was thirsty for reassurance that His presence was truly in my midst, not merely a sideline spectator.

The past 29 days has brought the subject of grace to the forefront of my consciousness in a way it hadn't been, especially lately. Grace was like the beautiful colors of fabric on my shelf - always present, pleasant to the eyes, but on the sidelines for when I needed it.

As I pondered each post, God carefully unwrapped grace for me, revealing its intricacies and depth in everyday life. My everyday life. He showed me how grace flows in every area of life, not just the ones I was conscious of. He illuminated the places where I had rejected grace's touch and exposed places where I withheld it from others.

We cannot escape grace any more than we can escape God's presence. Whether we choose to believe it or not isn't the point and doesn't matter. Grace is always there, waiting for us to employ its power in our lives so it can spill over to those around us.

O me of little faith...

I am floored and humbled.
A scholarship was offered through our church.
There were 6 students chosen, and I was one of them.
I'm still pinching myself.

They were to choose the recipients by July 1, and I hadn't heard a thing.
I was thinking I had totally missed God, and I was questioning why in the world I was stressing so much to raise tuition and compete with teenagers, etc. etc.
I told my DH I should just save my money and put that time and energy toward working on my art.

After months and months of hoop-jumping and essay-writing to apply for long shots, I thought this was my chance at actually getting a break.
I wasn't just a no-name 40-something reaching for a pie in the sky - these people know me!

I guess I had subconsciously put out a fleece - thinking if I got the scholarship, then I would know I was still on the right track.
If I didn't, I would stop trying so hard for awhile and see where God led.
So - when I thought I didn't get it, I was crushed.
Discouraged doesn't begin to describe how I felt.
Disillusioned would be a better fit.

Then - yesterday my bulletin was in my way during the service and
when I went to move it my name caught my eye.
I was one of the six.
I quietly showed my DH and my sister (who was visiting from out-of-state) and I didn't hear any more of the sermon after that.
There it was in black and white.
I had to keep reading it to make sure I wasn't seeing things.

In that moment, I repented for doubting God.
Even if I hadn't gotten the scholarship, I wasn't trusting Him to understand my heart.
I let disappointment distract me from what I have experienced to be true.
God has my back.
He didn't call me just to turn His back and let me fail.
He has a vested interest in this journey.
My going back to school was His idea, not mine.

The cherry on top? My sister wrote my letter of recommendation for the scholarship and she was here to share in the excitement of my award.
Above and beyond.
That's His way.

I am still so far from where I would like to be!
I wish I could say that it was a momentary lapse in judgment. Unfortunately, I fall into this trap quite often. Fear wraps its tentacles around my heart and I panic, doubting everything I know to be true.
I am constantly going to the throne begging Him, "Heal my unbelief!"